Privacy
Policy

If you are the ONE out of a billion who reads this, the least we can do is make it short (very short) and maybe a little entertaining.

We have to have one of these to explain how we comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act), the California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA) and other random privacy protection acts around the world because well….. maybe you have a lot of time on your hands, or you don’t already read enough things that you’ll never remember, or maybe a bunch of legal jargon that makes zero difference to anyone is exactly what you need right now.

We’re two people, on two different continents who had to write this stuff to cover basically everywhere and desperately needed to have a laugh while writing it so the least we could do is make sure you could have a laugh while reading it.

THE EMPEROR’S SHORTS [this is the “header” mentioned below in case your primary education was lacking]

We’ll be transparent and concise. For those of you who didn’t get that, we’ll give you a minute to read the header and first sentence again. If you still don’t get it, then your illiterate ass should spend time reading some classic books/fairy tales (instead of this policy) and invest in a thesaurus. And then come back to the policy. We are required to have a policy that is “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible.” Alright then, we’re going for the shortest, clearest, and most irreverent privacy policy we could conjure.

And with that, we’re off like a herd of turtles.

COOKIES

Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Do you care? We use cookies because that’s how the Internet works. If you don’t want our cookies, then block cookies on your browser. We really don’t care.

KIND OF STALKY VISITOR TRACKING, BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW

We hired people who told us we have to use Google Analytics. It’s actually kind of fun to look stats in real time (if you’re a little nerdy like us), but we’re told it will help us to stay in business (shock of all shocks) to see what is being looked at and is of interest. That info helps us get more people to view our website and buy our app. See how that vicious cycle works?

We don’t store any super personal data about you but pretty safe to assume that your IP address is going to be stored. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. To be honest, we’ve got enough stuff to do that we don’t want anything more to deal with, and that includes storing boring information about you.

If at some point we find the time to start a newsletter or blog or something, and you sign up to receive emails or notifications, then don’t bitch when you receive them. Or make the herculean effort and click on the unsubscribe button.

FOR THE LOVE, IT’S YOUR DATA. WE GET IT.

Ever heard of a yottabyte? Didn’t think so. It’s a shed load of data and everyone contributes to it. But here’s what little we store and what we use it for:

  • On our website – zilch, nada, zero.
  • In our app – name, phone number, country and email address. We use this to set up the app on your phone and bill you properly for it. Providing gender and age are optional and we use this to understand who our users currently are and who they could be.

We do nothing surreptitious or evil with your info. And we definitely don’t sell it to anyone for any reason.

YOUR PAYMENT DETAILS

That’s not our problem since you can’t buy anything on our website. Go buy our app on Apple Store or Google Play and pester them with the inane questions about payment details, where they’re stored, why and for how long. We don’t store any of that shit.

EMAIL MARKETING AND NEWSLETTERS

All that spam and junk. PA…LEASE…… Since our goal is to block people from doing this, we won’t do it to you.

YOUR RIGHT TO BE DELETED OR FORGOTTEN

BYE, FELICIA. If you want all info about you deleted from our systems, shoot us an email at info@kahpong.com to let us know and we’ll delete your ass. If you want to know what information about you we have stored, same thing… shoot us an email at info@kahpong.com to let us know and then we’ll follow the mandated guidelines for responding, but we’ll tell you now so you can save all of us all from wasting everyone’s time. Our website stores no personal data and our app stores your name, phone number, country, and email address. That’s it.

If you've decided to feck off, then it logically follows that you won't be able to use our app since it's required to have that information in order for the app to work and to bill you for using it.

SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER RANDOM CRAP

We have and use social media. We might even get ads, newsletters, etc. Sign up for them, refuse them. We can’t think of any other stuff we need to keep you apprised of, but if we do, we promise to add it.

TL;DR (if you don’t know the acronym, google it, you technological nit-wit)

If all you did was scroll through everything above and didn’t actually read it, here’s what you really need to know:

There’s literally two of us. We don’t have the time, energy or desire to do anything nefarious with your data. After all, our goal is to block wankers, not to be one.

We collect and store the info we need to provide you with the service you buy from us. We may occasionally stalk you via Google, Instagram and Facebook adverts. That’s it. Oh, and (the also required Disclaimer) we have absolutely no affiliation, agreements with, ties to or anything to do in any way shape or form with Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Instagram, Telegram, WhatsApp, Apple, Google, Skype, or any other app we add to our blocking platform. Their stuff is theirs, our stuff is ours.

Happy blocking!